So for the past couple of months I’ve been working on a project that has taken so much time and energy, that I’m truly looking forward to taking a break.
With nearly being involved in 3 incidents that could have caused serious harm or worse, the brevity of life is a thought I have had to confront, and realise that tomorrow is promised to no man.
A cause of frustration
Today has been an interesting day, capping off an interesting week. As I have stated before, as is clear from my blog title, my calling in life is to be a missionary, and that is the goal I have been striving for, for quite some time now, and in the past few weeks I had been becoming a bit frustrated with how things have been panning out, it came to a head this week. Reflecting on the year and how things have worked out/or not; plans I thought were assured of God, but have not gone as anticipated, I have been left wondering – Father is line of communication still clear between me and You?
Yes I can say I see how You have graciously answered other requests I had made, but why is it on these major points I seem to have not heard you aright? The biggest of all being my calling, and seemingly how slow plans i have been progressing. So I determined that I shall put these matters to prayer until God gives me clarity on them.
So I started praying; seeking particular answer in regard to my calling, for God to reconfirm it to me – as long as I am clear on that, I don’t care too much about much else. Yesterday and today I felt very frustrated with regard to that, today for the first time in a long time, having to go to work, I felt like – I really do not want to be doing this! I love my work, I love programming, but I no longer love it for itself, I love it for what I believe can be done with it in regard to the gospel, I love as an avenue of business for the low capital required for it, so I can get money for projects I want to do.
The answer(s) came
But God heard this poor man’s cries; during the day I had a very nice conversation with a friend at work, about religion, it made me remember I had once promised to share some studies with him, before I got decommissioned for some time. So first realization – there is still some work for you here.
Then later on, while going to church for Sabbath opening, after I had just turned off one major route to another one, I was thinking – the road seems more congested than usual. Now what I like to usually do after are get onto that national road is to move into the 2nd lane from the left as soon as I can, because a short distance from there I will have to take the off ramp – which has a fork, since I need to go right at that fork, its just safer to be in the 2nd lane. But initially I couldn’t move to it because of how congested the road was, so thought I will see a bit later.
Just as I have had these thoughts, I see the trailor of a vechile in the 3rd lane start to sway. It swayed to the left hand side to the extent that I had to step on the brakes to make sure I don’t collide with it in case it moves all the way to my lane. Thankfully it didn’t, but it was fully in the 2nd lane (where I had wanted to move to). I don’t remember exactly what I happened, I’m not sure if the car that was in that lane collided with it or not, I had just been relieved to be involved in that scene (truly hope whoever was involved shall be ok).
As truly sad as such an incident is, I couldn’t help but gleam a lesson from it (considering what has been on my mind). One thing I once shared about is I don’t take praying for travelling mercies for granted, I really don’t, with once missing an accident by one second, and nearly being bumped while walking, I know the need to pray over such.
But the lesson I learnt is God knows best, things on the road were such that I couldn’t move to the lane I usually move to, but there was a purpose to that hindrance; God saw what lay ahead. So even with me, the hindrance I have felt towards achieving my goals, God knows why He is permitting that, and I just have to wait on His timing for things to come together.
Then I get to church, and it was beautiful. At the end, for prayer, the person that was conducting it shared some words that spoke so much to my situation. While I have been praying to God, I have thought – Lord I know about brightening the corner where you are and all, I’m clear on that, but I have bigger plans than this, there is so much more that burdens my heart, because I am unable to do. But through the message shared, God was like – Uhm, I I don’t think its as clear as you think.
Nearly started getting teary eyed as I thought wow, today God has really been answering my prayer, am humbled. To the point where, when I got home, I just took a moment to just say thank you; and a Scripture I read just spoke so clearly to what has been my situation.
“3 Be merciful unto me, O Lord: for I cry unto thee daily.
4 Rejoice the soul of thy servant: for unto thee, O Lord, do I lift up my soul.” Psalms 86:3-4
In the end, I am truly thankful to say – I still breathe, this journey continues on, and I trust to God to do His will in my life, in His own way, in His own time.
The work continues on, and it is exciting I must say. Follow the link for the brief progress report.
Before I speak about that dream, I shall state – this blog will now be much more be focused on my mission work; for my thoughts on life in general and my poems, I shall now be sharing on another website – http://www.wanderercome.com.
Now to the dream
A few years back, when I got more into software, I had a dream of sharing the gospel through the means of technology, so I started that endeavor by making an app called Study Bible, but that was just the beginning of what I really wanted to do with it. Now some time later, I am now starting to build it to become what I had hoped it would be.
Now it has morphed somewhat from the initial thought, thanks to suggestions from people, and one of those suggestions was to find a better (less generic) name for the app, which now will also have its own website. Taking that advice, the new name of this app and website is Sure Word Bible, drawing from the words of Peter where he says:
“We have also a more sure word of prophecy; whereunto ye do well that ye take heed, as unto a light that shineth in a dark place, until the day dawn, and the day star arise in your hearts:” 2Peter 1:19
The website is http://surewordbible.com – site and app coming soon :). I have set the date for the launch, as a means to push me to finishing what I need to finish, and initially I thought that the amount of time I have would be enough; but now as I am starting to work on the designs of different portions of the website, I am getting more ideas on how this can be even be made better; suddenly the time I have seems might just be cutting it close, but its exciting!
In the end, I know not what will succeed, this or that, but the work being committed the the Lord, I trust that it shall surely bear fruit. Look out for updates on what is to come! I’m excited about it.
Of late I have been thinking a bit about the future and the plans that I have in life, and I have come to realise more and more, that there definitely will be a time I need to change things drastically.
Two things which I am just passionate about are – Missionary work and Coding. I know I am going to be cutting coding to a large extent once achieve some of the goals I have concerning mission work, because the fact is, it is rare to find people that truly achieve great success, in disparate fields. So as much as I would love to be a great programmer, and a great missionary for God, I can’t have both.
But I realised that even now, I truly need to ease back on how busy I have been. It is truly a strange experience to not want to be incessantly working, but it is good. Life is about variety, and there are things I would like to pursue that I see would not fit in this current arrangement of things. Yesterday, almost to make me more aware of the matter, there was a survey we were asked to fill, one question was – “How do you balance your work and life”? And there I was thinking – I don’t.
Today I got some invite by a recruiting agent, to send in my CV for opportunities that are available. The invite came through a programmers platform; so I was like – hey, haven’t looked at my profile in a while, wanted to check what could be of interest to a recruiter there. This is the tag line I have up:
by night:still the same
Love- missionary work; coding, nature and science
I laughed, and wondered – what was I thinking when I put up that line?
Now when I want to tackle something, I like to find material related to the issue, listening to one talk I found a statement funny, but sadly true sometimes – finding a work life balance works well, when there is no work. But I am trying it out, feels strange, but I know its needed.
Liked the video below. Yes being single minded can help one become successful, but it is not how life is suppose to be. Variety is the spice of life as they say, I may not know much about it, but its worth a try.
Lastly, one of the people that I look up to – John Nevins Andrews, a mighty pioneer of the Seventh-day Adventist Church, is a man who contributed much to the gospel, and cut his life of short because of that. Paul himself, had he been more cautious, not from fear, but prudence, could have lengthened his ministry for the gospel. But I fault none such man, for I understand their pain. The only way to have relief of soul is to have the goal of saving souls out of mind, while it is clearly before the focus, one can hardly rest at ease.
So yes I want to push as they did, dare as they dared, be ardent and zealous as they were, but not at the expense of possibly greater efficiency.
After completing 2 intense weeks of back to back projects, at one point – spent two nights away from home, I must say its incredibly satisfying to have both your clients to be truly appreciative.
There is one principle that I live by, which I must say does wonders for business. I ever seek to work in a way that I can say, my God can look at my work and say well done my son, not – you know you could have done much better. So even when I know I have done enough to make the client happy, I can’t rest until I know God Himself is also happy with my work. The thing is – He knows my abilities, so even though a client may be happy, God knows if I could have done things better.
Working with the view of God first, it really is powerful. Another thing is, I really believe that my work is somewhat a reflection on my God – perfection was the hallmark of Jesus work, not just in salvation, but also in the carpenter’s shop. So I strive to be the best at what I do. The distinction should be clear – when someone receives work from me, it should be seen that a child of God ever seeks to deliver the best work possible.
With that being said, there is true joy one receives from doing good work and it being acknowledged, beside the money, the acknowledgement really makes it worthwhile.
After some years of Vitamin D deficiency and one and a half years since I knew it, finally my levels have come into normal range again, but the news were not that happy, as I am still don’t feel like 100%; but we shall see with time what happens. Maybe just need to continue on taking magnesium to replenish the stores that activation of vitamin D took.
Overworking is not good
That is the other thing I was just thinking now – I have been overworking, and that is not good, even for someone fully healthy – it is not good. So yah, glad for the improvement, hoping for more, but glad nonetheless.
Have you ever had the experience where you started reading a book, got some way into it, but then abruptly stopped reading it, then when you go back some time later you not even sure exactly where you were or what you had gathered? Well that happens a lot to me in reading, but also with my blog. I’ve been so out of touch with blogging that I am not even sure about what have I written about, will I be repeating with this post or what?
Well I shall hopefully be blogging more often, not here necessarily, but will try at least once a week to give a break down of what I am up to.
Leaving my Comfort Zone
So what is this thing of leaving my comfort zone? Well basically the work I will be doing going forward on both the business end and ministry side will involve me doing quite a bit of marketing, which means – I have to be social – very social, which is not exactly my strongest point, and with my busyness of late I have had less interest in that to be honest.
Now though, I am at the point where its either I learn to do that for the sake of what I want to advance, or will be remaining in the same spot for a much longer time, so its a forcing function to change.
The other thing though that I have learnt is that there really must be a deep passion or motivation to want to start a business, otherwise its not worth it. Me and my colleagues sometimes have said – “Programming is hard”, and another one says, “if you don’t have passion for it, you won’t survive.” I agree with that statement partly, I would say unless you have passion for programming you will never be really good at it. Why do I change the outcome? Because there are a lot of programmers out there that do not have passion for it, but manage enough to be able to push an 8 to 5 job. Now with business its not like that, the outcome really is – not surviving, if you don’t have passion for it.
It’s a bit funny as I think of it, busy blogging about business yet I am not really established myself, so where do I get of giving advice on the matter? Well simply this reason – I have sort to understand a lot about what it takes to push a business forward, and from the experiences I have had thus far, what I have learnt is what I have experienced.
Here is a video that explains well what I have learnt.
I love poetry I must say, I love how poets can take the mind to distant lands as they paint an image in one’s mind with words, I love the play of words and metaphors some use, which just add richness to their work. I dig contemporary pieces, but I mostly love classical poetry, that is the type of poetry I write.
Though I love poetry and write poetry, I for a long time I never considered myself a poet, even now having close to, if not more than a 100 poems. Simply because I don’t think I fit the mold of a contemporary poet. Another reason though (the part I don’t like), is the fact that poetry is drawn from experiences; the fact is – its hard to write about feelings you’ve never felt or experiences you’ve never had. Simple enough I guess, only issue is that, that type of poetry mostly draws from the harder and not so joyous moments of life, which is what makes writing that type of poetry hard for this introvert.
Opening up is something I find hard to do even with people I know well, so writing poetry sometimes is a challenge for me. Yesterday I heard one poet say, “your poem doesn’t start until you start telling the truth” – with that thought in mind, I’m not sure how many of my poems can be said to be poems.
For me sometimes the truth is hard, when I listen to poets that reveal their experiences in the most graphic nature, I cringe at the thought of being so open. Well if it’s worth anything, I do open up more in poetry than through any other means, whether it be in conversation, preaching or blogging. I have at times opened up much, even if it be in metaphoric terms – because funny enough, poetry sometimes is my recourse to giving expression to that which I feel, but find no appropriate normal words to express with – but its never easy.
Finally, because of the discomfort opening up makes me feel, some experiences have proved too deep for even poetic utterances to draw up; when I get to the point where I can bring forth work from the deeper wells of experience, maybe than I shall consider myself a poet.