Reliance on self

A Journey of Discovery

In recent days and weeks I have been very distressed as I think of missionary work and challenge that it has been to solidify my plans for what I want to do. There is so much to do, that I think I sometimes probably push myself more than is good, trying to advance forward; so realized I need to take a break and reevaluate the whole situation.

So I am kind of on a journey of discovery, seeking to understand myself more and my calling more in God, I know my calling, but as to how God truly wants me to fulfill it, is something realize I need to personally reflect on more. I have really neglected my personal devotion with God thinking I know what to do, that I do not give enough time to simply sit at His feet and learn of Him, I have been a Martha, caring for many things, but not that which is most essential – communion with God.

Control Over Emotions

As I began this journey, one thing that I wanted was to learn to handle my emotions better; when ever I think about mission work and what needs to be done, and how little attention seems to be paid to this issue I find that to be very frustrating. Also I often try to put the need into perspective by thinking of the eternal consequences that are at stake, and when I think of the many souls that will be lost, its something that truly breaks my heart, yet – oh how the church seems to neglect this work.

Yes of course there those that are labouring, but even them I sometimes feel as though they aiming too low for the potential that they have. My personal view is that growth and expansion are necessary in the work of God, we cannot, we should not be satisfied with small incremental change, to truly make an impact that will hasten the coming of the Lord there needs to be a much broader view, and larger plans, yea I would say audacious plans laid. Is success a guaranteed? No, but one thing I have picked up from my profession is that it is good to fail and fail fast. In so doing you learn much quicker as to what works and does not work.

On my emotions, one thing I learnt quickly is that it is not bad to feel very intensely about soul saving, there is no such thing as too much zeal when it comes to such a work, there only thing is to have that zeal well directed. Don’t fully know how that shall be done but one thing is certain, one needs God at every step.


That is the other thing I am addressing, the independent spirit I have, sometimes too independent, that I don’t depend on God as I should. In mediating on the word this night it hit me that one of the errors of the angels that fell was to think that they can be holy without God, well that didn’t go down well. A error I have at times made, and I think others have to, is to think that one can carry on missionary work without complete dependence on God, as though our efforts can truly convert souls.

Oh what a fallacy, but yeah I am learning, changing some things, of which I pray will lead one to greater efficiency in the work of God and help me to do more.



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